Journal Entry #14
The transition home has been... hard.
This "figuring-out-how-we-do-life-now" has been a rough transition. From June 1 to October 6 was a whirlwind and we're just now coming up for air and seeing what happened around us. In addition, there's also the ever-demanding, hum-drum naggings of doing life... cleaning out the remnants of a mouse's party in our pantry, wading through medical bills, figuring out a new insurance plan as mine is discontinued, and establishing new routines... but we're getting there!
I just wrote a blog on my business website, sent it out in a newsletter, and felt it was also a good place to post here.
The summary with my BODY is (and most of you already know this) that the invasive poorly differentiated ductal carcinoma was Estrogen Receptor negative (ER-), Progesterone Receptor negative (PR-), Her2 was most likely positive, Ki-67 was 91% (super-duper aggressive), and BRCA mutations were negative (there's no history of breast cancer in my family). So... it's a fine-line about Triple Negative status. On June 24 I had a single right mastectomy with no reconstruction and 1 of 5 lymph nodes tested positive; I was staged at IIA. In August and September I spent 6 weeks in Germany receiving alternative cancer treatments. I feel good! I remind myself often that I'm healing and that healing is HARD work!
The summary with my MIND is that it's getting better and better! I used to operate at 1,000 miles per minute and now it's at about 4 or 5 miles per hour. The fear, worry, worst-case-scenario thinking, anxiety, stress, and panicked way of living life this way for the last 30+ years has totally stalled out. This result has been achieved through daily work to be free of "thought addiction" in addition to God's grace. Keeping my mind still is of utmost priority and this happens when I laugh, color, paint, sing, dance, meditate, talk with friends, and do lots of other wonderful things.
The summary with my SOUL (and this has probably been the biggest thing to date!) is that I now know, believe, and accept that my heart is good and my soul is good and I'm working toward unconditionally loving myself. Freedom regarding this came through guided visualizations on a deeper level and theological understanding on an intellectual level. This transcribed sermon series by Pastor Monte Stevens from Dayton, Ohio changed my life: Original Sin or Original Blessing. And this book is excellent. I'm allowing my soul to express the Divine Image of God that it was created in first and foremost, as opposed to viewing itself as a sack of sin (as much of my Christian background taught me).
Everyone eventually asks about PROGNOSIS. I'm currently cancer-free! and will remain so until proven otherwise. Blood work and PET/CT scans will happen when my oncologist and I decide.
Then the next most frequently asked question is about my WORK at Flowers Fertility, LLC. I haven't returned yet because I'm still healing. On a cellular level, my mitochondria are working HARD to recover from the stress of diagnosis and surgery, and working HARD to incorporate all of the holistic treatments I'm doing. On a mental and spiritual level, it takes a great deal of time and energy to get out of the way so my body can heal itself. I'm so thankful for and grateful to Justina Thompson for stepping in to care for my clients while I've been on a leave-of-absence.
I'm also WRITING about my journey since June 1. I'm creating something that I wished had existed in June when I was diagnosed. We'll see where my Bachelor's Degree in English/Writing takes me!
Thank you, again and again, for prayers, love, words of support, and caring. It means so much to me to be surrounded by such a wonderful community.