Why I Don't "Fight" Cancer - Part 1

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Why I Don't "Fight" Cancer - Part 1

I don't know about you, but I don't identify with much of the militaristic language surrounding cancer, most especially The *War* on Cancer.  That being said, I totally get that we're all so different. If being a fighter and kicking cancer's ass works for you, great! Keep it up! Disregard this post.

If, on the other hand, you haven't really found yourself embracing the imagery of a life on a battlefield, I just want to say, "You're not alone. Me neither." I like using the term "cancer thriver" and the image of being on a "journey" instead...

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If I Gave a TED Talk... take 1

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If I Gave a TED Talk... take 1

We all fear it. The C word. And then on June 1, 2015 when I was 35 years old the C word happened to me: aggressive breast cancer. Then it began... the chaotic, confusing, panic-filled storm of decision-making. How do we make these decisions? What’s the best way to discover the path we're meant to take? I want to share the ideas that have worked for me and what I’ve learned along the way. I feel that our society and most doctors do not give us the tools to confidently make quick, life-altering decisions when we are drowning in fear.

I courageously looked fear in the face...

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How My Body Talks to Me

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How My Body Talks to Me

When I tell people that my body talks to me and tells me things, most of the time they get a gleam in their eye that feels like they're thinking, "Oh, you're a little bit on the crazy side. Okay." But Carsten, my friend at Hufeland Klinik in Germany that I wrote about here, was very intrigued and asked me, "How do you do this?" with what felt like the implication of how he could also hear what his body says. I explained that my body does it a few different ways...

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A Poem for Our Souls

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A Poem for Our Souls

In March 1999, I was in my second semester at college and taking an "Introduction to Poetry" class. Analyzing the poem "Aubade" by Philip Larkin was hard and I'm so glad I chose to become intimate with it. The professor wrote, "You really took a risk choosing such a challenging poem." Because the topic of the poem is his fear of dying and being dead, I thought a lot about it when I was writing the blog Before & After... 

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The Song "To Beat the Devil" by Kris Kristofferson

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"To Beat the Devil"
Johnny Cash singing the Kris Kristofferson song

If you waste your time a-talkin' to
the people who don't listen,
To the things that you are sayin',
who do you think's gonna hear.
And if you should die explainin' how
the things that they complain about,
Are things they could be changin',
who do you think's gonna care?
...the truth remains that no-one wants to know...

And you still can hear me singin' to
the people who don't listen,
To the things that I am sayin',
prayin' someone's gonna hear.
And I guess I'll die explaining how
the things that they complain about,
Are things they could be changin',
hopin' someone's gonna care.
...I don't believe that no-one wants to know...

 

Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?!

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Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?!

So many times during my journey after being given a diagnosis of cancer, people have judged the diagnosis as bad, the worst, and very horrible at the least. Maybe this diagnosis of cancer is ultimately bad, but we don’t know that yet. And maybe this diagnosis of cancer is ultimately good, but again, we don't know that yet. I've heard others say how grateful they were for a cancer diagnosis in their life. I want to get there too! I think what helps me most is the work I do everyday whether it's...

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Life Is Beautiful

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Life Is Beautiful

That morning, when I woke up... I felt like a veil had been lifted from my heart and everything was BEAUTIFUL. I looked at the leaves on the trees in the park across the street and it was so beautiful that it made me cry... I listened to the words of songs that I love and they were so beautiful that it made me cry... all day, throughout the entire day, my heart and my eyes just overflowed with the incredible feeling and realization that (as cheesy as it sounds)... Life Is Beautiful. For the most part, I've found life to be really hard and challenging and painful and filled with lots of suffering...

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A Song by Dar Williams

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A Song by Dar Williams

I lived in Duke (my pickup truck) for 5 months from May through September 2004. After the rafting season was over in mid-August in Colorado, I spent 6 weeks driving through Idaho, Washington, Oregon, and northern California by myself. It was AMAZING. I went to hot springs and camped and hiked and mountain biked. There were lots of ups and downs on this solo-journey. Lots of reading and journaling and figuring myself out. Mainly I probably was obsessed with when and who and how I was going to get married...

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First, Do No Harm

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First, Do No Harm

UGH. Why??? Why was I put through this pointless emotional down and up yet again yesterday? Why??? What purpose does it serve me or the medical establishment to make each step start with PANIC instead of PEACE?! Let's assume everything is healthy and benign until proven otherwise... not -- let's assume there is scary cancer everywhere all of the time and cross our fingers you luck out and we don't find anything.....

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A Song for Our Souls

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A Song for Our Souls

There are lots and lots of things I love in this world, and one of the closest things to my heart that I love is the church that I go to. Highlands Church in Denver, Colorado is a place and a group of people that each and every time that I'm there shows me the love of God. In June 2015 we had my Surgery Blessingway Prayer Circle there and so many came to support me and pray for us before my mastectomy.

This summer we had the opportunity to have Heatherlyn be an "Artist in Residence" at our church. So... wherever you are at... whether you need this song sung over you... or you know of someone who needs this song sung over them... I encourage you to spend 4 minutes with this song and your soul... 

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I'm back from my 2nd treatment in Germany...

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I'm back from my 2nd treatment in Germany...

Wow. Where do I even begin? So much has happened in the 6 weeks since I last wrote an update; therefore, this will probably end up being a bit on the very long-ish side (…like almost 2,800 words on the long-ish side). The weeks I spent at Hufeland Klinik in Germany were just as magical as they were last year. Before I left I thought, “Am I hyping this place up too much? Am I going to be disappointed?” Not.In.The.Least! I flew back to Philadelphia on Tuesday, June 22, 2016 and... 

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Art that I Made that Made Itself

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Art that I Made that Made Itself

It was the Fall of 2013 and I just felt FRANTIC. The church that we go to, Highlands Church, has a Be Still contemplative prayer service most Wednesday evenings. This evening, we had the opportunity to do art. I took a piece of paper and scribbled with watercolor crayons. Then I sprayed it. Then I thought, "Crap! There's too much water!" So I took another piece of paper, ...

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Newly Diagnosed with Cancer? 5 Things I Wish I Had Known...

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Newly Diagnosed with Cancer? 5 Things I Wish I Had Known...

If I have 10 minutes with someone newly diagnosed with cancer and they’re interested in more than just what their M.D. can offer them, then these are the 5 things I would talk about in the midst of the frantic chaos that they are most likely experiencing...

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Home for almost 6 weeks...

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The transition home has been... hard.

This "figuring-out-how-we-do-life-now" has been a rough transition. From June 1 to October 6 was a whirlwind and we're just now coming up for air and seeing what happened around us. In addition, there's also the ever-demanding, hum-drum naggings of doing life... cleaning out the remnants of a mouse's party in our pantry, wading through medical bills, figuring out a new insurance plan as mine is discontinued, and establishing new routines... but we're getting there! ...

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We're back!

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I feel a bit like a broken record, but thank you for all of the prayers and many ways of support you all continue to give to Josh and me. (And no, it’s not “Josh and I,” in case you were wondering… I graduated with an English degree… which does come in handy, Dad! See?!) 

Here are answers to the Top Ten Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) we’ve gotten since we returned:

1. Are you happy to be home?

Yes… and no. Of course we love seeing our family and friends, but reverse culture shock and other things have made it difficult...

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How I make it through Fever Therapy...

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How I make it through Fever Therapy...

Tomorrow... Monday, September 21, 2015, will be the 4th and final Fever Therapy I receive in Germany for this round of treatments. I know so many of you are praying for me, and Josh and I are continually laying my entire being and experience at Jesus' feet, and so I wanted to let you know about some of the tangible things that have helped me get through each day and the challenging treatments here. 

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Praises!

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Praises!

So for months I've been asking for prayers... this is the non-exhaustive list of answered prayers that Josh and I have come up with...

  1. My immune system has responded extremely well to the Fever Therapies here... my white blood cell count is over 26,000!
  2. I've gained 7 wonderful pounds... and let me tell you, this takes A LOT of chewing... chomp, chomp, chomp of the vegetables!
  3. ...
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